Teaching to be Kind over Teaching to be Nice

Niceness is saying “I’m sorry you’re cold,” while kindness may sound like, “I’m sorry you’re cold, here’s my sweater for you!” Kindness comes from the heart.

For many of us, we use these two words interchangeably. However, there’s a major difference between the two. What’s the difference between being kind and being nice?

In simple terms, being nice is when you are polite. It’s doing something that is pleasing or agreeable. Whereas being kind is when you do something for someone because you care about that person. It’s doing something that is helpful to others and comes from a place of benevolence. The distinguishing factors lies in the motivation of a person or act. For example, if you help someone move a piece of furniture, that would be described as either nice or kind. If the underlying motivation was to create a favorable impression or to ask for a favor later, then that action can only be considered nice and not kind. If the action was done to spare the other person from extra effort or inconvenience, then that action can be considered kind, as well as nice. These two are not always mutually exclusive.

At The Willows, we strive for teaching our students to be both kind and nice. While we acknowledge the importance of being nice in social and professional settings, it’s also important for us to teach our students to stand up for what is right and, at times, that action might not be viewed as nice. That’s where teaching kindness comes in. Teaching kindness starts with an understanding of emotional intelligence and learning to comprehend our own feelings and emotions as well as being able to empathize that in others. The importance of emotional intelligence has always been recognized as one of our core values at The Willows. In 2015, The Willows integrated RULER, and evidence-based program from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, into The Willows classrooms and curriculum. RULER has enhanced our teaching practices and self-regulations of our students as well as strengthened empathy and relationship quality. It helps us teach kindness. Learn more about RULER @ The Willows here.

Here are few ways to teach your child to embrace kindness.

Ask Questions

Helping our children understand what kindness means is done through conversation. Talk to them about their feelings and the feelings of others. Ask your child, “How do you think that person felt or what do you think they’re feeling?” By asking these questions and having them think from a different perspective, they begin to gain an understanding of empathy.

Model Kindness

Preach what you teach. Help your children see what kindness looks like by performing acts of kindness. When you see someone that needs help, act. Children learn through behaviors model by adults so the more we model kind behaviors, the more likely our children will exhibit those. Be aware of what you’re saying. Children are always listening. Do you talk negatively about your neighbor or relatives? Children not only see you modeling behaviors, but they also hear them.

Point out Kindness

Pointing out your own acts of kindness or noticing it in others will teach your child to look for kindness in this world. Acknowledge your child when they are doing an act of kindness. Let them know that you recognize their efforts and how their efforts made a positive impact on you and those around them.

Help Others

Teach your child the joy of helping others. Let them know that it feels good to help others, even if you’re not getting anything in return. Setup opportunities for your child to help the local neighborhood or get involved in an important cause to them.

“How we feel effects our learning, the decisions we make, how we treat others, and our personal well-being.” – Yale Center for Emotional intelligence RULER.